46: Whisper

As our group is let in, we find a couple of cars sitting next to each other. I jump in one and strap myself in, Kiara following suit. I feel my chest ease. These straps are much looser.

“Okay, once it starts just hit the gas and turn the wheel,” she says.

“Right,” I mutter, staring at the wheel. Jeremiah taught me how to drive the truck, so I should be able to do this.

The buzzer goes off and I slam the pedal down, racing forward. As I turn the wheel back and forth, I quickly begin to figure out how it works. Next thing I know, I feel the car jolt and look over as Kiara grins at me.

“Catch me if you can!” she says, winking and racing off.

I feel a grin spread across my face and step on the pedal, racing toward her. I catch up to her quickly, bumping into her car and she laughs. Then we are taking turns crashing into each other until all too soon the cars suddenly stop moving. She looks back at me with a smile and I cannot help but to gaze at her, unable to wipe the smile from my face.

As the night goes on, we go from ride to ride, mostly kiddy rides. Still, I am having the time of my life and Kiara at least seems happy. The place becomes more crowded, especially with couples hanging on each other. After we make our rounds, we head to the food area, the smell of fried everything in the air. We order a funnel cake and some lemonade, finding an empty table toward the back of the seating area where it is a bit quieter.

“Having fun?” she asks as we sit.

“Nn, yes,” I say. I glance down for a second before looking back up. “Are you having fun?”

She smiles, nodding. “Yup!”

I feel a smile on my face. This is going good then.

She takes a piece of the cake and pushes the plate toward me. “Try it, it’s good.”

“Is it sticky?” I ask.

“Um… Well, maybe a little. Why?”

“Ah, never mind,” I mutter and try a bite. It is sweeter than I expected. “It is good.”

As we eat, we talk about the different rides, choosing our favorites. Once we finish the funnel cake we head to the midway. I still can hardly believe we are here together as we walk through the crowd, passing tons of games and vendors of all kinds.

Suddenly, I hear a loud pop and my heart jumps out of my chest as I quickly shield Kiara. I glance around, trying to find where the sound came from. It didn’t sound like a gun, but…

“It’s okay. It was just the balloons,” she says, pointing over to the dart throwing game.

I look over and relax. “Nn…” I glance around then to her. “Is there anything you want? I-I can get it for you.”

Her brows arch as she smiles. “Oh, don’t worry about it. These games tend to be rigged so it’s easy to lose a lot of money.”

Just pick something so I can win it for you and show my affection! I look around again, hoping to spot something she would like.

“Aw, come on! I hit it!” I hear from the balloon booth.

“If it didn’t pop, it doesn’t count,” the man in the booth says dryly.

“What a rip off! There’s no way anyone can hit five in a row!”

The group turns away from the booth and sees Kiara and me. They look familiar but I cannot place them. As I look down to Kiara, she is suddenly nervous, keeping her eyes down. Then it dawns on me. It is the group from that day we got snow cones.

They stare for a moment before scoffing and laughing, murmuring to themselves­. I suppose they are too afraid to say anything loud enough given our last encounter. Kiara continues to try and ignore them, but the fire in my stomach seethes. How dare they make her feel bad! Still, I cannot make trouble. I glance over to the balloons and a thought crosses my mind.

I step up to the booth. “How do I play this game?”

“Five dollars gets you five darts. Pop five balloons in a row and win the top prize,” the man monologues dryly for probably the thousandth time, pointing up at the large stuffed animals hanging around the booth. “Pop three out of five and win a small prize.”

“Easy,” I say. “Can I make it a challenge?”

He raises a brow. “Go on.”

“I will buy three darts for three dollars and hit three balloons at the same time that you choose for a big prize,” I tell him. “If I miss even one, I will pay double.” The group scoffs and laughs.

“Shyba…” Kiara mutters nervously. I look at her and grin.

The man laughs. “Dude, I would love to see that if you can actually do it! Bet!”

I get out my wallet, giving him the money. He then lays out three darts before turning to the balloon wall. “Hmm, I’m not sure how to go about marking these.”

Kiara pulls her backpack off her shoulders. “I have a marker.”

He takes the marker, writing an ‘X’ on three different balloons. At this point a small crowd has formed. I suppose they heard the conversation. The delinquents continue murmuring and laughing to themselves.

I take the darts, twirling them around in my hand a bit to feel the weight distribution as I take a few strides from the booth. Kiara comes to stand behind me and the crowd murmurs as the man steps out of the booth. Letting out a breath, I focus my sights on the marked balloons.

For a moment, I focus, getting the darts ready in my hand, my eyes fixated on their targets. Everyone is silent and I can hear my heart drumming in my ear. I take a deep breath and as I exhale, I throw the darts.

Three pops resound simultaneously as they hit their marks, embedding into the wall. Cheers erupt and I freeze up, looking around. I glance over to the group of bullies as they scoff and saunter away. Then I am looking at Kiara who stares with her mouth gaping, her eyes lit up.

“That was so cool!” she shouts. “You’re amazing!”

A smile spreads across my face as I stare at her. She really thinks so. I go over to the booth as the man is pulling the darts out of the wall.

“Damn kid! I never thought I would see something like that! Glad I took you up on your offer,” he says and points to the large stuffed animals hanging above. “Pick whichever one you want.”

I turn to Kiara. “Which one do you like?”

Her eyes almost look as if they are sparkling at me, and she points up to the pink pig. He gets it down and hands it to me. I give it to her, and her smile makes my chest so warm. She hugs it and suddenly I am jealous of a stuffed pig.

We start heading back toward the rides and I watch as she continues smiling ear to ear.

“That was awesome!” she says.

I duck my head a bit, my cheeks warm. “It was nothing.”

She giggles. “You’re really something, you know?”

The way she looks at me makes me feel weightless. There is only one last thing to do now.

“Want to go on the Ferris wheel? It’s my favorite so I always leave it for last,” Kiara says.

I smile. “Okay.”

Soon we are sitting in one of the cars on the Ferris wheel. As it starts to lift, my heart only seems to go faster and faster. We are completely alone here. This is the perfect time! Just say it!

I look over at her as she smiles down at her pig. She looks so happy with such a meager present. She hugs it again and lays her head on top of it.

“I think I’m going to name him Hamfrey,” she says and giggles. “Get it? Hamfrey?”

I feel a laugh escape my lips and nod. “Mm.”

As I stare out at the lights, I try to find the words. What do I say? How do I tell her? My heart pounds harder and harder. I can do this. I can tell her!

“I kind of want to make him a hat,” she says. “Wouldn’t it be so cute? Like a top hat! Oh, and with a bowtie!”

“Ah, y-yes,” I say and swallow, feeling my face heating up. Come on, just start saying something and maybe it will be easier. “Ah… K-Kiara… Ano…”

The words stick in my throat. What is wrong with me? Why is it harder to tell her I love her than it was to tell her I am a wanted assassin? I can feel my breath getting heavier, my hands trembling.

“Shyba?” she asks, looking at me. Her eyes widen. “Oh, crap! Are you scared of heights?”

I look up at her, trying to form the words, but for some reason it is like I am unable to speak. What is going on? Why does this keep happening? I know I’m not supposed to be like this.

She glances around and scoots closer, shoving the pig in my lap. “Here! You can hold Hamfrey a-and um… Maybe close your eyes again!” she says and pauses. “Does that help at all?”

I just shake my head. “I-I ah…” I lay my head against the pig as I hold it with one arm, hoping I can gather my courage.

“Um… Would you like to try holding my hand?” she asks, sending my heart to the stars. “It’ll give you something else to hold onto so maybe it will help.”

Maybe holding her hand will give me the courage I need. Not to mention it has been my dream to hold her hand for weeks now and here she is offering. I would be a fool to refuse.

I nod. “Okay,” I mutter and open my hand, still not looking up.

I feel her hand wrap around mine and without even thinking I clutch hers back, my breath leaving me. Feeling her hand in mine is like finally finding water in a desert. My heart feels like it is doing cartwheels, my mind swimming. It is only us two in the whole universe right now. For a long moment, I savor this feeling, keeping my face hidden from her as I know it probably matches my eyes right now. I swallow and take a deep breath.

“I love you,” I whisper under my breath.

Maybe if I whisper it first it will grow louder, like the way my love first started, a whisper too quiet to notice until now as a raging fire in my heart.

“Kiara, I—”

Suddenly, the doors open to our car, and I realize the ride is over. My spirit deflates. I waited too long. Damn, it was the perfect time too!

We get out and I give her back Hamfrey. I am about to ask if she wants to go again, but her yawning stops me. Right, it is getting late.

As I follow her to the car, I stare at my hand. My face is warm, and I glance to her hand gently swaying at her side as she walks. If I reach out… If I take her hand… Would it convey the feelings I’ve been so desperately trying to voice?

I swallow and take a breath. With my trembling hand I slowly reach out. My heart pounds. I know once I take her hand here, there’s no going back. There’s no hiding how I feel any longer. As I am just a whisper away from her hand, I hear a buzzing sound and she goes about checking her phone as I draw back.

My heart drops into my stomach and I feel defeated, stuffing my hands into my hoodie pockets. I guess tonight just isn’t the right time. But even so… I had a lot of fun. Her smiling so brightly was worth it, and I am one step closer. I will find a better time to tell her. Until then, I can reminisce the feeling of her hand in mine and the fun we had together.