44: Taboo
Kiara—
After Jade and Harmony are tucked into bed Mama asks the rest of us to congregate in the living room. As I go downstairs, I look over, seeing Shyba on the loveseat. He has his navy fleece blanket wrapped around him, covering his head, and stares blankly at the floor with tired eyes.
My chest tightens. Seeing him like that earlier broke my heart. What can I do? I wish I knew how to comfort him better, but he will only let me get so close. These past several days I’ve been trying to keep my spirits up. I know I can do more for him, but I’m just not sure how. How does someone ease such a heavy burden?
I go over to the fridge, pulling out a couple of juice boxes. Then I go and grab the blanket off the couch, wrapping it around me before sitting next to him. He glances over and I hold one out to him.
“Douzo,” I say, giving him a smile.
He takes it, his eyes going back to the floor. “Arigatou.”
As I poke the straw into mine Jeremiah and Nicky join us, shortly followed by Mama. Once she is seated on the couch, she looks around at us all and pulls her hands together. We must be in for a long discussion.
“So, I’ve decided we all need to talk this out and make sure everyone is on the same page with ‘Red Dragon’,” she says. “Shyba said he is willing to do this but given the circumstances this is the first and last time we will be talking about it. After this, ‘Red Dragon’ becomes taboo. Does everyone understand?”
We all nod. I can understand why. I mean, if I hadn’t overheard it from Jer and Nicky, I may never have heard of it at all. Even mentioning it is dangerous.
“Alright,” Mama says and gives Shyba a reassuring smile. “Do you have anything you want to say first?”
He lowers the juice box from his mouth and is silent for a second. “I was not completely truthful with the rest of you. I told Kiara everything… but…”
Then he tells them about Yuna, reiterating everything he had told me before. Even though I heard it all before it still isn’t any easier. I keep imagining him as a young boy, having to deal with all of that. As he talks his eyes are distant, his voice hollow. After he finishes there is silence for a moment.
“It hurt too much to talk about her before,” he mutters, “I could not even bring myself to think of her for so long. I am ashamed… She suffered so much because of me.”
Mama’s eyes are wet. “Shyba, that’s not your fault. They used her against you. You understand, right?”
The guys keep their eyes to the floor, but I can see the pain in their faces. Shyba remains silent and I reach up to place my hand on his shoulder but stop. Ever since I held him, I keep wondering if maybe it was too much or that I crossed a line. Even though he put his arms around me too, it was like he was still at a distance. Now every time I go to touch him, I second guess myself. When will this tug-of-war end?
Mama wipes her eyes before glancing around. “Does anyone have questions?”
Jeremiah looks over at Shyba. “Did you tell them how you ended up here?”
“Ah, no,” he says and takes a deep breath. “I was… given a target. He was rich, and they wanted him to join to use his resources. He refused and because he knew about the Domain and was unwilling… he had to be silenced.”
“But he was expecting me. Before I could shoot, I was hit with a tranquilizer. When I was falling asleep, I think I heard them saying they were going to kill me, but not where the Domain could find my body or trace it back to them.”
He pauses. “Then I woke up here. I remember Reba saying I may have been in a plane crash… but I still cannot remember anything like that, or how I survived… or where they were going to take me. I think I was set up, but why I’m not sure.”
Jeremiah leans back in his chair. “No one ever found any wreckage apart from that piece of metal near the docks that might have been from a plane if I remember right. But nothing came of that either.”
“Yeah, and I checked, but no flights were missing at the time,” Nicky says. “Makes sense if it was a private jet controlled by some rich tycoon.”
“Well, no one else ever popped up and no bodies surfaced,” Mama says. “It must have crashed quite a long way out and whoever else was on that flight must not have survived.”
Jer rubs his chin. “And no one has come around looking for Shyba or a missing plane. So, I think it’s safe to say that whoever knew they were sending him away must have realized something happened. They must think everyone died. Or don’t know where they ended up.”
“So then if that piece of metal ended up in the dock area,” I say slowly, “then I wonder how you ended up all the way out here on the beach. The docks are on the other side of town.”
He shrugs lightly. “I must have floated on a different current.”
“If that’s the case I’m surprised you didn’t get eaten by a shark with how much you were bleeding,” Jeremiah says. “Not to mention bleeding out and drowning.”
“Was it that bad?” he asks.
“We thought you were dead at first,” he states.
I shrug, letting out a breath. “Guess we’ll never really know.”
Mama gives Shyba a smile. “You’re a survivor. And maybe someone was looking out for you.”
Everything is silent for a moment, and he lets out a breath. “It is all still so foggy,” he says slowly. “I was so numb after losing her it was like nothing bothered me anymore. I know I… took countless lives, but even now it is like I cannot completely feel it, like I was not really there. I wonder… if I ever will…”
I glance back over to Shyba. His eyes are still distant, tired. I can only imagine the horrors he has seen, the fear he has felt. How can I, a random girl, ever hope to ease that?
“Shyba, it’s okay,” Mama says. “Our minds have a way of protecting us from things we can’t completely accept. It’s okay to let things be and come back to it later or process it in small amounts. Don’t expect to remember everything overnight because that’s not going to happen.”
He stares at her for a second before glancing down and bringing the juice box back up to his lips, remaining silent.
I raise my hand. “Um… I’m just curious how Jer and Nicky found out about this. I don’t believe Shyba would have just outright told you guys.”
Jeremiah points at Nicky who rolls his eyes and sighs. “It was during all that crap with Dustin. I was trying to find dirt on Shyba ‘cause I didn’t like him and well… I found a wanted poster with his picture. It was kind of blurry, but I mean, you can’t mistake him.”
For a second, I’m stunned. I guess I should have realized he would have a wanted poster.
“After that fight where we all got banged up, we confronted him about it,” Jeremiah says. “He told us basically a watered-down version of what he just said earlier and that if word got out it would be dangerous for everyone. I knew he was telling the truth ‘cause, well…”
“Jer held a gun on him,” Nicky states receiving a glare from him.
Mama narrows her eyes and through a set jaw mutters, “Jeremiah Chase McRae.”
He draws back just like when he was little. “I thought he was a legit psychopath or something!” he testifies. “He knew we knew about him, and we were alone in the apartment with him. I was freaking out about it the whole time, you know. I mean, we had just seen him take down Dustin’s gang bare-handed like in those kung-fu movies, so I kept thinking he was gonna go crazy on us or some shit!”
Suddenly there is a slurping sound as Shyba finishes the juice box. All eyes are on him, and his eyes widen a bit, glancing around. He quickly pulls the straw out of his mouth, his cheeks slightly red. “Ah, sorry…”
Right, like this softie would have gone crazy on them.
Jeremiah crosses his arms over his chest, pouting. “I wasn’t gonna shoot him or anything, but I had to make him think I was.”
“I was not afraid of the gun. I told him to shoot me if he thought it necessary,” Shyba says, staring blankly. “I was only worried about word spreading about me. And you kept your finger off the trigger the whole time. I knew you were not going to shoot.”
Nicky shrugs. “I would have shot you and collected the bounty.”
“Nicholas!” Mama shouts under her breath, trying to keep from waking up the girls.
I hear Shyba half-laugh. “You might have gotten a medal and a bottle of sake as reward.”
“I could live with that,” he says. “I would put it on the wall by my inspirational cat poster. Then sit in my boxers, watch anime, and drink sake all night.”
“Oh, so we’re making jokes now?” Jeremiah grunts.
I smile. “Well, you know things are getting better when you can laugh about it, right?”
Mama lets out a sigh and I glance over at Shyba who once again is staring at the floor, but I notice a slight smile on his lips.
“Anything else?” Mama asks. Everyone glances around at each other, but no one says anything. She claps her hands together. “Okay, just in case, we need a believable backstory on how Shyba came to be living here. Any thoughts?”
Nicky shrugs. “Long lost cousin?” We all roll our eyes. “Fine, fine,” he says. “Foreign exchange student who got lost and after asking to stay for one night he ended up living here.”
“I said ‘believable’ Nicky,” Mama says, leaning her face onto her hand.
“Um…” Jeremiah mutters. “He came here for school and… Uh…”
“Guys,” I start, “Just tell the truth without telling the truth. He left Japan to get away from bad stuff and to better his life then ended up here by chance. We met him, took him in, and he’s been living with us ever since. No one needs to know any details. I mean, we’re already known for being the kind of family that takes in strays, human or not. And when it comes to his eyes, it’s a super rare genetic disorder and he has to wear sunglasses because he’s sensitive to light.”
We all glance around and look over to Shyba, who shrugs, giving a nod.
“Orrr,” Nicky starts, “he was abducted by aliens, dropped in the backyard and has amnesia of everything from before he was taken.”
Mama and I give an exasperated sigh while Jeremiah throws a pillow at him, Shyba giving him a dry stare.
“What Kiara says makes sense and would be easier than coming up with something new and having to remember it,” Mama says then looks at Shyba. “Now, even though I doubt anyone is going to randomly appear looking for you, I think it would be best to still be very careful. You’re here without documents. If something happens and the police investigate, I don’t know if I can keep you secret.”
He nods and looks up at her. “I understand, but are you sure it is okay to protect me like this? I do not want to get you in any trouble. This is a big deal and if you are found harboring a criminal… After everything you have all done for me, I do not want to become a burden.”
She gives him a smile. “Everything will be okay. Just don’t draw attention to yourself.”
For a second, he is silent. “Still… If something happens, if I am found out I want all of you to promise me you will not reveal you know about ‘Red Dragon’ or the ‘Domain’, any of it. It is the only thing I will ever ask for like this. If something were to happen to any of you because of this…”
His eyes dart down, and he clenches his fists. Without realizing I reach over, touching his shoulder. He glances at me, his soft gaze making my heart throb.
“I promise,” I tell him.
“Me too,” Jeremiah says.
“Same,” Nicky states.
Mama nods. “I promise too.” Then she looks around again. “Is everyone settled?”
We all once again glance at each other before giving a simple nod. She lets out a breath. “Okay then. As of now it becomes taboo.”
After that everyone goes on about their business getting ready for bed, Nicky heading on back to his apartment. As I am warming up a cup of milk, I feel a presence behind me and look to see Shyba entering the kitchen. I glance back at my cup as it spins in the microwave. What do I say? So much has happened recently.
I hear him take his cup from the cabinet and pour some milk. The microwave beeps as mine is done. As I go over to the table to mix the hot chocolate powder in, he passes me to heat up his milk. The silence is deafening.
Heavy footsteps come from the living room, and I look up to see Jeremiah enter the room. He grins. “Hey, got a question for you two,” he says. “Macy ended up with four tickets to the fair Friday. Wanna go together?”
For a second, I am almost in a daze, thinking of Shyba and I at the fair together. “Oh! Sure, yeah! That sounds fun,” I say and look over to Shyba. “What do you think? You haven’t been to one so it would be something new and fun to try.”
I can’t see his face. All I know is he seems tense, his shoulders hunched. “Ah… Okay,” he says.
“Cool! We’ll be there around six, ‘kay?” Jeremiah says and I nod.
My heart starts to pound. I know we are going as a group, but I can pretend it’s like a date, right? It will be fun to experience the fair with him. A nice change of pace after everything that has happened recently.
Still, as I sit in bed drinking my hot chocolate, I can’t help but picture what Shyba’s life was like before. Part of me still can’t wrap my head around it. I know he’s a criminal. I know he killed people.
When I look at him though, all I see is someone who genuinely cares about those around him and wants to do good. I want to see him break away from his fears and find peace. I want to be there cheering him on, even if it’s from the sidelines.
Of course, I wish that were so. If I had to watch from the sidelines, I know I wouldn’t be satisfied. I accepted him. Will he accept me too? How long do I have to wait to find out? I just want to know. If I could know one way or the other, I would at least have closure.
This waiting game is getting to be too much for me. Mama said to be patient and I’m trying, but I’m walking on eggshells around him. Even if he just wants to remain friends I would at least know where the boundary is, but it’s not like I can talk to him about it right now. What do I do?
Translations:
Douzo – This word has many meanings, but in this context, it means “here” or “please go ahead”.
Arigatou – Thanks/thank you