37.5: Crush

Shyba—

Jeremiah pulls the truck to a stop, and we all get out. As he and Nicky go to the back to unload fishing poles and supply boxes, I find myself glancing around at the area. We are surrounded by trees with budding leaves and off to the side is a river sparkling in the sunlight.

We drove nearly half an hour from the house to get here and by the looks of it, not many people come through this area. It is rather quiet apart from the babbling of the river and the occasional bird chirping.

Jeremiah takes a deep breath, looking out at the water. “Now that the water is finally warming up the fish are gonna be hungry,” he says and grins. “Easy pickins.”

Another truck pulls up and a couple of guys step out, one with a red beard, Ty, and another covered in tattoos, Seth. They are some of Jeremiah’s friends. He goes over to greet them and as they all laugh and carry on, I find myself feeling a bit out of place.

I would have been fine staying at home by myself, but when Kiara and Macy had decided to have a “girl’s day” Jeremiah insisted we go fishing. I had never been fishing, so at least I can learn something new. Still, I cannot help but feel so apprehensive.

Once we get chairs set up, we all start getting the fishing poles ready, Jeremiah teaching me how to tie the hook on and bait it. “When you start feeling something pulling on your line jerk the pole back,” he says. “You might feel something nibbling but be patient until you feel a good tug.”

I nod. “Okay.”

He teaches me how to cast the line out and I sit down, staring out at the water. Everyone throws out their lines along the bank and for a moment all is quiet. As I continue to gaze at my surroundings, I notice a few little flowers starting to pop up near some trees. I wonder what kind they are. Kiara would know. My heart starts to flutter, and I quickly look away.

“Did anyone bring any beer?” Jeremiah asks.

“Well, of course,” Ty says, standing. “You can’t go fishin’ without beer!”

He trots over to his truck opening a cooler. “Who else wants some?”

“Me bro!” Seth shouts.

“Do you have soda?” Nicky asks.

“Yeah,” he says. “You not drinking anymore Nick?”

“Oh, no I’ll take a one. I was asking for Shyba since he doesn’t drink,” he says.

My eyes widen a bit and I look to Nicky. Why go through the trouble?

Ty brings several cans over, handing the soda to me. “Here ya go, bro.”

I take it. “Thank you.”

He passes out the rest of the cans and plops back down in his chair. Then there is an echo of cans being cracked open.

Jeremiah lets out a big sigh. “This is nice. It feels like it’s been forever since we all got to go fishing like this. And we have a new friend in our group.”

“Yeah, welcome to the club Shyba,” Ty says and raises his can. “To the new guy!”

Everyone raises theirs before taking a swig. I remain silent, unsure what to say or do. They all start having a conversation about work and such, so I tune them out, watching the water. I suppose this is rather nice. It is not often I get to hang out with a group of guys apart from Jeremiah and Nicky.

It is strange to me still, being in a group like this. This is normal though, right? I wonder what it would have been like to have friends like this growing up. If I had gone through school like normal, I wonder what kinds of friends I would have made, what we would have all done together. I cannot even imagine it.

Then again, had that happened I most likely would have never come here. I would have never met any of these people. Kiara would not be my friend. Suddenly, there is a twinge in my heart.

“Hey, Shyba your line!” Seth shouts.

I quickly snap back and notice the pole bouncing slightly. As I feel something tug, I quickly pull back.

“Quick! Turn the handle!” Jeremiah says, standing.

Nodding, I grab the handle and start turning it. I reel in the line and as it emerges from the water, we find I had caught a clump of weeds. My heart sinks and the guys laugh. I thought I was doing well.

Jeremiah chuckles. “Something took off with your bait. It happens all the time,” he says. “Just gotta try again.”

“Okay,” I mutter, staring at my catch.

We re-bait my hook and I cast it out again. As time passes, they manage to catch a few good ones, yet it seems I am not suited for this. I either lose my bait or bring up small fish. After a while Nicky brings out sandwiches we had prepared and as we eat, we continue to fish, me zoning out while the rest of them talk.

I take the last bite of my sandwich and feel a tug on my line. Then the pole is nearly ripped from my hands, my heart leaping into my throat. I jerk the pole back and quickly begin turning the handle.

“Whoa dude! Maybe it’s something good this time,” Ty says.

I am unable to reply as my mouth is still full and as I reel it in, I manage to swallow the rest of my sandwich. Something feels different about this one. I remain focused as they cheer me on, keeping the line taught while letting the fish tire itself out just as I had watched the others do. Before long we can see fins trailing through the water.

“Holy hell, that’s a big one!” Jeremiah shouts and I swear I saw him drool a bit.

“Grab the net!” Nicky says.

Someone runs over to the trucks and as I pull it closer to shore Jeremiah steps into the water, pulling it up in the net. He comes over to me, holding it up out of the net by the fishing line and looks up at me beaming.

“Here bro, congrats,” he says, holding it out to me as it flops around.

I lay the pole against my chair and reach up, taking the line. As he lets go, I nearly drop it. “I-it is heavy,” I mutter as he chuckles. Wow, I really caught a good one.

“Nice catch man,” Ty says. “That’s the biggest one yet.”

We put it away in a cooler full of water from the lake along with the other fish they have caught.

Seth casts his line and turns to Jeremiah. “Speaking of nice catches…”

Jeremiah’s face suddenly turns red. “What?”

Ty laughs. “When’s the wedding?”

“C-come on guys! We haven’t even been dating that long!” he stutters.

“Oh, come on now,” Seth says grinning.

For a second, Jeremiah pouts before a smile spreads across his face. “Honestly, I can see a future with her.”

“You think so Jer?” Nicky asks.

“I just never felt like this about any other girl,” Jeremiah says. “Like, I don’t know how to explain it, but I just… think about her all the time. I just want to be with her and make her happy, y’know? I would do anything just to make her smile.”

As I listen to his words, I become more and more restless, my heart suddenly aching.

“Dude,” Seth mutters. “You got it bad.”

“That is… what love is like?” I mutter, the words escaping my mouth before I can stop it.

For a second Jeremiah is silent. “Yeah. It is.”

“You never had a girlfriend before Shyba?” Seth asks.

I quickly look away. “No.”

“Really? I thought you and Kiara were a thing,” Ty says.

My heart leaps into my throat. “We are friends,” I say quickly and suddenly my mind is swirling.

Everything is silent for a moment before Ty leans back in his chair and stretches. “Good to know. That means I have a shot, right? Been thinking of asking her out for a while, but I thought she was taken.”

I am on my feet, my fists clenched. “N-nandato?!”

Everyone pauses and looks at each other. Then they all burst into laughter. My face could light a match.

“Got ‘im!” Ty cracks.

Seth wipes a tear from his eye, still chuckling. “If you feel that strongly you better do something about it before someone else does.”

My breath shortens, my mind circling even more. This is bad. I cannot have feelings like this. I do not deserve to feel this way about her. My heart aches, feeling as if it is being torn in two. She’s not even mine. Why do I even feel like I have the right to feel upset if someone else has an interest in her?

Perhaps this is just a misunderstanding. I am reading too much into this. That has to be it. There is no way I can feel like this. Yes, I am overreacting. Everything is still the same. Kiara is my friend and I’m just worried about her being with someone who could potentially hurt her. I’m just being overprotective since she is innocent and still a bit naïve to the world.

My nerves slowly calm and after catching more fish we decide to call it a day, having plenty to go around. Once back at the house we get the fish cleaned, getting everything ready for when everyone else gets home. Before long though, Reba shows up with Jade and Harmony, having picked them up from school after work.

As I finish setting plates out, I hear the front door open again. “We’re back!” I hear Macy’s voice carry.

We all look over and Jeremiah goes over. “Hey, did you two have fun?”

“We had a blast! I got Kiara this adorable dress!” she says and looks back, waving her hands. “Come on, don’t be shy.”

“C-can’t I just change back into my shorts?” Kiara’s voice whimpers from behind the front door.

“How do you expect to do that if you don’t come in the house?” Macy asks.

Kiara is silent then the door slowly opens. She steps in wearing a dress the color of cherry blossoms, the blush on her cheeks mimicking the color. My heart pounds and I am completely at a loss for words. Nicky whistles.

“Isn’t she cute?” Macy asks.

“It’s darling!” Reba exclaims, going over and having her twirl around.

Kiara looks up, her gaze meeting mine and I find myself unable to look away. No, no, no. This is not good. Why is this happening? Why can’t I stop it?

“What do you think?” she mutters.

Suddenly, it is as if the trance is broken. “It is…” I mutter. “Ah… Not something you normally wear.”

Her gaze moves to the floor, and she giggles half-heartedly. “Isn’t it?”

Crap. I said the wrong thing. I am supposed to compliment her, right? “It ah… looks good though,” I say, unsure if that is enough.

She looks back up and gives me a small smile, making my heart throb. What do I do? I cannot have feelings like this for her. How do I get rid of this?

Later, after everyone is getting ready for bed I sit out on the porch, my mind still swirling. My heart has not calmed. I still have not found an answer to my problem and still it baffles me that it even happened. I never dreamed I could feel this way about someone.

The door creaks open and without turning I know it is Kiara from the footsteps. My heart leaps and it takes all I have not to run. She comes over, sitting beside me.

“Hey,” she says and looks over. “Did you have fun with the guys today? How was it?”

“Ah, mm…” I mutter, keeping my gaze from her. “I did not do well until I got a big one.”

“How big was it?” she asks.

I hold out my hands to show her before stuffing them back into my jacket pockets. If my heart keeps pounding like this, I may faint.

She giggles. Has it always sounded so cute? “Nice. I bet that was cool.”

“Mm,” I mutter, lowering my head. “What about you? Was it fun with Macy to go shopping?”

She swings her legs back and forth as she leans back. “Yeah, it was fun. It was a nice change I guess even though it’s not really my thing. I suppose I wouldn’t mind going again though. I got some new ideas for clothes I want to make.”

For a moment all is silent. What should I say? Suddenly, it’s like I don’t know how to act around her.

“Hey uh…” she starts, “did I really look okay in that dress? I just never really wear them much so I didn’t know what to pick and then I couldn’t decide on a color. Actually, I’m not even really sure why I let her buy it for me. It looked cute, but I don’t know where I would wear it to. And I don’t really have shoes to go with it. I-I don’t think it really suits me at all.”

I glance over and am caught off guard by the blush on her cheeks and arched brows. Does she really believe she did not look pretty? Did I make her feel that way?

“A-ah, I ah…” I mutter. “You… Eto… It looked… ah…”

Why can I not talk? Just tell her it looked cute or something! It would not be a lie. My heart pounds, nearly jumping out of my chest and suddenly I am standing. This is worse than I thought. I have to fix this as soon as possible.

“Sorry, I am really tired,” I say, heading to the door. “Good night.”

“Oh, uh… good night,” she mutters, the tone of her voice like an arrow in my heart.

In no time I’m in my room, shutting the door before dropping down to the floor, my hand over my mouth.

“It was cute…” I whisper. Why could I not tell her something so simple?

I really am in love. I can’t face her with this. I will have to distance myself from her longer than I planned. The thought makes my heart feel like it is being squeezed though. I clutch my chest. This must be why it is called a ‘crush’.

For a moment I stare up at the ceiling, hearing Kiara’s footsteps once again as she goes into her room, my heart continuing to throb. Can things ever be the same as before?

I kneel on my bed, opening the bay window and lying against the sill. For a long moment I stare up at the moon, this strange sense of longing seated in my chest. I swallow, my throat tight.

“Kaa-San… Aneki… Koi ni ochi te imasu… Nani wo shimasu ka?”

Translations:

“Nandato?” – What?! (like ‘what did you say?’ in an upset tone)

“Kaa-San… Aneki… Koi ni ochi te imasu… Nani wo shimasu ka?” = Mom… Sis… I fell in love… What do I do?