29.5: Progress

Kiara—

As I head up the steps to the front door I pause. “Oh, before I forget again, Mama said she’s not feeling well today, so looks like we’ll be having supper without her tonight,” I tell Shyba, reaching for the door.

“Reba is sick?” he asks.

I think back to Jer’s text. “Yeah, but she’ll be fine. It’s just a little bug.”

“Little… bug?”

“Oh, it just means like a, uh, minor illness,” I try to explain. “Like an upset stomach. But we call it a ‘stomach bug’ sometimes.”

“Nn. I understand,” he mutters, following me into the house.

“Anyway,” I say, heading to the stairs, “I’m gonna go put my bag away then go start weeding the garden.”

By the time I make it back downstairs covered in sunscreen and wearing my wide brimmed gardening hat, I find him sitting on the porch steps out the side door. I pause and he stands upon hearing me come out.

“Oh, I didn’t expect you to be waiting out here,” I say and laugh sheepishly. I should have realized he would though. “Why not go read or do something you want to do?”

He still seems a bit perplexed by the notion of doing something for himself. “I will help with the garden,” he says and shoves his hands into his jacket pockets. “It is part of the rules for staying here.”

 “Okay then,” I say, shrugging. I guess I would like the company.

He follows me to the tool shed next to the house and we get a bucket and some gloves. I lead him to the garden and go about teaching him what to do. Then I let him loose as I go behind him, aerating the soil. As we work, I hum, and he occasionally asks for guidance.

I wipe the sweat from my brow and rise, taking a deep breath. “Mmm, the roses smell so nice. The breeze is carrying it right to us. You smell it?”

He pauses, looking at me before averting his gaze back to the ground. He rises a bit and nods. “Mm, it is sweet.”

I glance over to the rose bushes, smiling. “They’re my favorite part of the garden. I got to pick the color and everything when my dad and I planted them together.”

The only sound is the breeze as I watch him look over to the rose bushes, taking in the red blossoms. He reaches up to pull his hood further down over his eyes before glancing away. I hadn’t thought of it, but he probably has some hard feelings about the color red, doesn’t he?

My eyes return to the roses for a moment, before leaning closer to him. “Have you ever heard of ‘flower language’?”

“Flowers have language?” he asks.

I giggle. “It’s not exactly that. Take red roses for example, they have a meaning or symbolism. They mean love and passion because of the red color.”

“Nn…”

I press a bit more, unsure if he’s convinced yet that red isn’t all bad. “That’s why people give red roses to one’s they are crushing on.”

“They crush them?”

“Oh, a crush is when you like someone. Like, when you want to date them and hold their hand or kiss or just spend time together. Stuff like that.”

He contemplates for a moment. “So crushing is good and if you crush then you give roses?”

“Basically. I mean you could if you wanted to,” I mutter. I think about it for a moment, curious to know more about him. “Have you ever had a crush?”

For a moment he stares at the ground, before shaking his head. “I did not feel like that,” he mutters and glances at me again. “Did you?”

I feel my face heating up. “O-oh, well, a few yeah. My first crush ended up moving away because his family was in the military, and they got reassigned. I tried to be cute and suggest we could send letters to each other, but he never sent me anything back. I doubt he even remembers me. My second had such gorgeous long hair, but then she joined in on bullying me and started nasty rumors about me, so that stung. And then my last…”

For a long moment I stare at the ground. “Well… he lied… and said he liked me to play a prank on me. I haven’t even wanted to think about having crushes or dating since then.”

He crouches over, picking a weed out of the ground. “Crushes cause pain,” he mutters.

I shrug. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense why we call them that. But I guess once you get a crush on someone that likes you back then it’s worth it,” I say and give a half-hearted laugh. “Maybe next time it’ll actually work out.”

“Mm…” he murmurs. “If they hurt you, you can call me. I will make them regret it.”

My heart twinges and I smile. “Oh yeah?”

He nods. “I have a phone now.”

I laugh and he glances up, giving me another one of his “barely there” smiles. “Well,” I start, “then the same goes for me if you ever get a crush on someone.”

His eyes widen and he quickly looks back to the ground. “That will not happen,” he mutters.

I watch him for a moment, not sure what to say. What makes him feel that way? Does he believe no one could ever like him? Or is it that he couldn’t like anyone? I wonder… What makes him think something like that can’t happen for him? I don’t think it’s just because of his eyes.

Could there be anything I can do to raise his confidence?

Shyba—

Kiara and I finish with the garden in time to start making dinner. As I follow her guidance on what to do, I can’t help but feel off. My eyes are drawn toward Reba’s room again, my stomach tight.

“Is there something I can make for Reba that will help her?” I ask.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry. I’ll take her some of this once we’re done,” Kiara says.

“C-can I do it?” I ask, glancing up at her. She pauses and I continue. “I want to help. She did a lot for me. I want to thank her. And… I think I made her stressed. Made her sick and so… I want to apologize.”

Kiara stares at me for a moment. “Oh, well, I wouldn’t say that. But I guess if it means that much to you, I’ll let you take it.”

I nod, returning my eyes to the stove. “Thank you.”

After the food is ready, she helps me set up the tray and I take it down the hall. Balancing the tray on one hand, I knock. “Come in.”

I ease my way into the door, seeing Reba lying in her bed with a book. Her eyes widen at the sight of me, and she sets her book down. I pause before bringing the tray to her.

“Ah… I want to help care for you like you did for me, so… Here. For you,” I mutter and place the tray across her lap.

She brings her hand up to her mouth, looking at the spread before her gaze is on me. “Oh, Shyba. Thank you,” she says and smiles. “This looks delicious. Did you help make it?”

I nod and she smiles, clutching at her chest. I glance away before turning back to her. “I ah… If I caused you stress and made you sick, I am sorry.”

She lets out a sigh and reaches over to gently touch my arm. “It’s not your fault sweetie. You understand? Not everything that happens is your fault,” she says. “And it’s nothing a little rest won’t fix anyway. Not to mention this wonderful dinner you’ve brought me. So, you don’t have to worry over me.”

“Ah y-yes,” I mutter, nodding. I clench my fists in my pockets and look up to her. “Please… You can call me if you need anything.”

Her eyes crinkle with her smile. “See sweetie? A bad person wouldn’t care, would they?”

For a second, I am frozen to the floor. “I…”

Her smile is warm, and she rubs my arm. “Now go eat your supper and enjoy your night.”

Nodding, I turn back to the door. As I step into the hall I stop and turn to her. “Thank you.”

As I head into the kitchen to join the rest of the family, her words ring at the back of my mind. Perhaps it is possible for me to find some solace in the fact that my heart wasn’t completely lost. But I know having a heart is probably the most painful thing imaginable. You can’t have grief without love.

I silently eat as I watch and listen to them carry on with stories and such. Though I know it’s already too late for me to back out now. I already care dearly for this family. I’d do anything for them.

A while after dinner, I am washing dishes like usual when I hear a beer can being opened behind me. I turn to look, seeing Jeremiah taking a swig.

“Jeremiah,” I say, my mouth moving before I could decide.

He looks up, coming over. “What’s up?”

My chest is tight. “How do I earn money? I want to work to pay back for the phone. And… I do not want to burden with no money.”

“Well, for one Mama ain’t gonna take it, but if you really want to try and earn some money…” He rubs the whiskers on his chin. “How about doing some odd jobs with me? They usually pay cash and you’re good with physical labor, so I think that would be the perfect thing right now. Usually, it’s a lot of clean-up work, trimming trees, taking off trash, whatever someone needs help with.”

“I will do it.”

“Cool,” he says. “I’ll let you know when I need you, okay?”

I nod. “Mm, thank you,” I say.

After I finish with the dishes it is my turn for a shower. As I let the hot water run over my body, I feel a bit… lighter. When was the last time I felt hope? For the first time in forever, I feel like I have a glimpse into my future, and I can see where to go.

As I am drying off, I see a message on my phone and pick it up. It’s a text from Kiara, “Heya, first text! Woooo! Anyway no rush or anything but when you get ready come to my room. I have something I need your help with.”

I respond, “okay”.

Once I am dressed, I head straight to her door, knocking. She calls to come in, so I ease my way in, surveying the room. She is on the floor in front of her bed sitting against a pile of pillows and a bowl by her leg.

She waves me over. “Here! Sit,” she says, patting the pillows next to her.

I go and sit, confused. “What do I help with?”

“Okay, so we’re going to watch a movie. You cool with that?” she asks.

“Ah… Okay.”

She sets the bowl between us. “Your job is to make sure I don’t eat this whole bowl of chips.”

“Oh…kay…” And why does she need help with this? Why not just refrain from filling the whole bowl with chips if she doesn’t want to eat that much? Is this some weird girl thing?

For a moment she watches, and I think she can see the confusion on my face. “So, feel free to have as much as you want. And I brought us drinks also,” she says and grabs her remote. “What kind of movies do you like to watch?”

“I ah… do not know. I did not watch them since I was a child,” I mutter.

She seems to pause for a moment, taking in my words. Maybe I should not have said that? “Hmmmm, well, then that means you have a lot to catch up on,” she says and gives me a smile. “We can have more movie nights and then you can learn what you like and stuff.”

I am taken aback. “Okay,” I murmur.

I don’t really see the point, but it seems to make her happy and it doesn’t hurt me, so I guess I could play along. Besides, isn’t this the kind of stuff friends do anyway? I suppose learning how to do more friend stuff wouldn’t be a bad idea.

As the movie plays, I quietly watch and munch on chips, if only to make sure I do my “job”. I can’t help but glance at Kiara, watching the light flicker across her face. She seems so happy to have me accompany her. I think back to what she told me about how difficult it has been for her to keep friends. I don’t understand, considering how welcoming and kind she is.

Then something else strikes me and I remain still for a moment. She is lonely. I can see it clear as day now. She felt like she had to lure me with chips and a “job” just to watch a movie with her. How many times has she wanted to sit and watch a movie with a friend and had no one to call?

My mind drifts back to my apartment, to the nights the silence would try to suffocate me. I’d turn the TV on just for some noise, to hear a voice that wasn’t my own bouncing around in my head. I take a moment to listen, to feel her presence next to me. I hear her munching on a chip like a little mouse.

I look over to her. “Kiara.”

She turns. “Hm?”

“Can we do this again tomorrow?” I mutter and glance down quickly. “Is that too soon?”

“Oh,” she starts, and I can’t stop my eyes from looking up as a smile melts onto her face. “That would be fun! We could start a series and that way we could just watch it together whenever we have time. I’m down for that. Or should we start with the classics? Oh, or maybe some anime movies? I’ve seen a few before, but I want to watch more now. And I’m sure you probably want to watch more American things to learn about it more too. Oh! Maybe…”

I don’t know at what point it happened, but I realize a smile appeared on my face. As I listen to her babble on and on, getting excited with each new idea that pops into her head, I can’t help but feel eager as well. Perhaps even just a little, we can ease each other’s loneliness. Maybe I can find a bit more peace knowing that my nights will no longer be silent.